RAISING BOYS TO BE GOOD MEN: HOUSEWORK IS NOT RESERVED FOR 'MAMA'S ONLY'
At first, I used to tell him, "No.. That's dirty, don't touch!" as a normal germaphobe Mom might react. But then I realized, if I stop him now, perhaps he will lose interest or think "This is a thing mama does... Only."
The fact is, he needs to know it's not a thing reserved for "mamas only" or women only. We need to start teaching our boys from a young age how to pull their own weight in the home, how to clean their messes, fold their laundry, make their own sandwich. Because one day, these boys will be on their own with no one to clean up after them. One day, these boys will be husbands, with over-exhausted wives who need a helping hand. One day, these boys will be fathers, whose children require diaper changing, feeding, and rocking to sleep. If we keep pampering our boys and keeping them away from the household work, we are perpetuating the stereotype that this is a "woman's only realm". These boys won't be able to see the exhausting efforts it takes to maintain a home, therefore leading to under appreciation or lack of help when their spouse dearly needs it. In fact, Islam teaches us that the Prophet Muhammad (S) used to be in the service of his family, he used to mend his own sandals, patch up his own garments, milk his own goat. He didn't see it beneath him to do such a thing, but rather encouraged others to follow his example by telling them “The best of you is the one who is best to his wife, and I am the best of you to my wives.” (Tirmidhi; Ibn Majah) On that note, I found an interesting point while doing research for one of my classes on the topic of Domestic Violence in the Muslim American community. After talking to some imams and counselors about their experience with abuse victims, I found that while most abusers tend to have a background of family abuse somewhere in their past, there is ONE type of abuser that has no family history of abuse, but still ends up abusing their wives. That is the man who was privileged to live in a home where his every need and whim was taken care of by his parents. He is a man who is pampered so much by his parents that when it comes to marriage, he expects the same from his wife. And when his wife cannot fulfill his every wish, he doesn't know how to react, and ends up lashing out. Now I am not saying pampering your boys will make them domestic abusers. No, InshaAallah No. But it is an interesting statistic that we need to be wary of. May Allah grant us all the ability to teach our children respect, appreciation, and independence! Ameen.
